One in a Million
by xxDodo
Summary: Gilan? Apprenticeship? Those two words imply a laughter drug. And here I bring you, the many highlights of such a time. Because Gilan Davidson is one in a million. Series of oneshots unless otherwise stated. Warnings vary per chapter. Enjoy the Gil-ness!
1. One in a Million

**So, here I finally do it, bring little tidbits of Gil's apprenticeship to all you humor-hungry readers. Varying lengths, with most intended to make you laugh, so no crying unless I say so. Though if you're a Halt-sympathizer, I have a feeling he will get picked on a little... *evil grin* Lastly, I am aware that there are one or two other stories like this, but I wanted to give it try with my own style and thoughts :).**

**Disclaimer: *yanks at papers* Please, please, please can I just have Gilan? *falls on butt without papers* Gilaaaan! I own nothing...**

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><p>Summary: Gilan Davidson was one in a million. Literally, the one in a million to get hit by lightning. And memory loss in front of Halt calls for some amusing possibilities. Which are, of course, Gilan's specialty.<p>

Warning: Facts are wrong. There is a one in 300,000 chance to get hit. Careful all you flamers, the exaggeration is a large theme. *rolls eyes*

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><p><strong>One in a Million<strong>

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><p>Halt was certain he'd made a good decision when accepting Gilan. The boy was obviously miserable studying swordsmanship, and curious enough to try to become a Ranger's apprentice instead. Besides, even former-knight trainees were supposed to be respectful and obedient. ...Right?<p>

But of course, Gilan Davidson was nothing of the sort. A smart mouthed, mischievous, trouble-magnet. And even though he could be amusing at times (but Halt would never admit that), the teen would no doubt be the cause of Halt's first gray hairs. Starting with getting struck by lightning.

.::.::.

Gilan swore repeatedly as he urged Blaze faster, though his voice was lost among the rumbling thunder, howling wind, and battering rain. Had the apprentice been any lighter, he'd have been blown out of the saddle.

"Dammit!" he tried, and got a mouthful of raindrops for his trouble.

Finally, Gilan pulled Blaze to the side of the road in the shelter of the fringing trees. They were both blinded by the rain, and Gilan tossed his head along with the mare, weighed down by the water soaking every inch of him. His butt was numb, his hair felt like a wet cat was wrapped around his head, and in such weather he had no idea which way to go home, Blaze's dulled senses not helping. All in all, Gilan was miserable.

He swore again. It didn't help.

Sighing, the apprentice swung off Blaze and stumbled a little on numb legs. Despite the dripping leaves, the several trees Gilan brooded under did provide some respite. Only for a second though, because as it happens, trees are excellent conductors of electricity. Woe to that unlucky person near one in a lightning storm.

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><p>The first thing Gilan noticed when he blinked awake was his ginormous headache. The second was that he couldn't remember anything.<p>

He remembered what a bed was, and he was in one. He remembered Billy stealing his ice cream on the other boy's first day of training at seven years old. And...well, that was it in the memory area. So, Gilan concluded, it must be the morning after Billy Jones stole his ice cream. That still didn't explain the room he was in. Or why his body felt much bigger than a seven-year-old's. Or why his head hurt. Or-

Gil groaned, head pounding. He wondered if his father would let him have ice cream again.

The door to the room he was opened then, and in walked a scary looking man with one of those magic cloaks Gilan had always wanted, carrying a tray of steaming soup and a bottle of red liquid. With a massive longbow slung across his back and the dark features of his face, the nursing manner with which he brought in the food and medicine made Gilan giggle. The man looked funny.

"You're awake," the man noted in relief. He placed the tray in Gil's lap. "Eat this, then I'll give you the medicine for your head."

Gilan looked at the soup, then to the man with the raised eyebrow that looked like a caterpillar, and back again. He crossed his arms stubbornly, his young mind fixed on the one thing he had been thinking about and not planning on changing course anytime soon.

"Ice cream."

Halt, and it was indeed Halt the Ranger that was mentoring the boy, was taken aback. Gilan's voice had become more high-pitched than before, not to mention it was again one of those admittedly often occasions where Gilan asked for ice cream. Halt had always refused, of course, saying ice cream made Gil hyper. Which was probably true.

"Er, no Gil," Halt said slowly, not wanting to make any sarcastic comments until he was sure Gilan was alright in the head. (Not that he had been before, but there was a Gil-standard in these situations.) "You need to eat this." Halt hesitated, then picked up a spoonful of the substance to presumably force-feed the boy.

Gilan pressed his lips together, going slightly cross-eyed as he stared at the spoon by his mouth. "Ice cream," he repeated tightly, lips not parting enough to allow Halt to shove the soup in his apprentice's mouth.

Gilan was briefly aware that he should wonder why he was with this man. But he wasn't too worried, he recognized the famous and dear Ranger friend of his father's, Halt. And if there was anything Gilan knew about grown-ups, it was that they loved to give kids ice cream whereas their parents did not. So, Gilan concluded again using his logic, Halt was probably dying to give him ice cream. Chocolate, preferably, even though his mother said chocolate made him hyper.

"Fine!" Halt said exasperatedly, deciding they could visit the healer on their way. "But drink this first." He uncorked the bottle of red liquid and held it out to Gilan.

"Whatsit?" Gil asked suspiciously.

"Medicine."

Gilan shrieked and Halt almost dropped the bottle. Not that Gil was to blame, Halt should have known better than try to give a small child medicine, nasty looking one at that. Children are terrified of things that are good for them. Gil was no exception, perhaps even more volatile.

He dove under the covers, upsetting the soup bowl so it sloshed over onto the tray. Gil was babbling about scary dragon blood being force fed to him in the form of medicine.

"Gilan, what the hell is wrong with you?" Halt exclaimed.

Gilan froze, peeking his head out from under the covers, eyes horror-struck. "You-you said a _bad word_!" he squeaked.

Now it was Halt's turn to stare. Gilan had used "bad words" countless times. He blamed Halt for getting him into the habit, but Halt knew he was just glad not to have his mother around to chastise him when he did. Suspicion then dawned in Halt, and he asked warily, "Gilan, what _exactly _do you remember?"

Gilan frowned, already having forgotten both the medicine and the bad word, but not yet completely the ice cream. "Billy took my ice cream," he whined, still frowning. "I dunno where my daddy is, but he's your friend so-" Gil took a breath, because, like most children, he was speaking quite fast "-you have to buy me more ice cream 'cause my daddy can't 'cause I dunno where he is."

Halt rubbed his forehead with his index finger and thumb, realizing Gilan believed he was still a child. One that wanted ice cream and refused to take his medicine. Therefore, Halt concluded glumly, he had to treat Gilan like a little boy. Should he use a baby voice? Shuddering, Halt decided not to.

"If you take a sip," Halt coaxed enticingly, "then I'll take you out for ice cream. Okay?"

Gilan eyed the Ranger warily, then stuck out his pinky under the nose of a startled Halt. "Pinky promise?" he demanded.

Halt stared for a moment, not sure what he was supposed to do. He imitated Gilan then, holding out his own pinky and saying, "Yes?"

Gilan grabbed Halt's little finger with his own and shook it vigorously up and down, brightening considerably as he released it. Halt winced at the enthusiastic grip.

The boy parted his lips and Halt quickly took advantage of it and poured the red liquid down Gil's throat. His head cleared surprisingly fast, and Gil sprang out of bed, wearing the same singed clothes from the night before but not caring. In getting up, he had knocked over the rest of the soup and it spilled onto the sheets. Halt only had time to groan before Gilan grabbed the Ranger by his cloak and pulled hard in the direction of the door.

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><p>Gilan wouldn't let Halt ride Abelard, insisting that he wanted to walk. Halt consented, and immediately regretted it.<p>

Gilan, tall and obviously a teenager, skipped ahead of the older Ranger in a childish manner. He also found it necessary to point out every interesting thing they passed on their walk, attracting many strange looks to the two of them.

"Look Halt!" Gil whispered loudly as they passed a woman and a small child. "I'm a bigger kid than him!"

The mother's eyes narrowed, assuming the teenager was being obnoxious, but before a scene could ensue a thoroughly embarrassed Halt grabbed Gilan by the collar and pulled him speedily along, stopping only once they reached the ice cream stall.

"Pick one," Halt snapped, then realized it was a big mistake.

Gilan's lower lip stuck out and began to tremble at the harsh tone. Halt quickly tried to back track before he had full on wailing child on his hands.

"I'm sorry Gil, here look chocolate!" Halt tried.

Gilan sniffled, still looking at Halt with a hurt expression. The Ranger thought the boy was largely over-doing it, but the ice cream vendor was looking at them as though they were loony. So, Halt awkwardly reached out a hand to pat Gil on his mass of blonde hair. "It's alright, Gil," Halt soothed, feeling his face heat up.

Finally turning away, Gilan jabbed a finger at the chocolate batch. "That one," he said excitedly, tears vanishing.

Halt sighed. "One scoop," he gruffly told the man who was scooping the ice cream out.

Immediately, Gilan cried, "No! Big!"

Halt hesitated, as did the ice cream vendor. A hyper Gilan or a tantrum? With extreme reluctance, Halt nodded his consent and another two scoops were added.

Gilan greedily grabbed the cone and plopped onto a bench nearby, swinging his legs as though they couldn't reach the ground even though they were long enough to. Halt followed and sat down beside him, trying to ignore the townspeople as they watched the Ranger's apprentice hungrily devour a chocolate ice cream.

Halt paused before mentioning going to the healer, eying Gilan closely. He seemed different now, not looking as bouncy as the child inside him had before, and his legs weren't dangling as they had been.

"Ahh, this is good, Halt," Gilan commented, sounding, Halt realized, like his perfectly normal self. "I've been trying for ages for you to get me some ice cream!"

Halt blinked in surprise. "Do you remember now?" he asked, hopeful yet confused.

Gilan laughed. "I've been remembering, Halt," he informed smugly. "Just felt like milking it."

"You were kidding?" Halt said slowly and deliberately.

Gil snickered, nodding. "I realized what had happened after you gave me the medicine." If possible, his grin grew wider. "The ice cream was just too tempting to resist."

As he watched, Gilan's smug grin faded, because Halt's stony expression flickered, revealing fury. Gilan gulped, but couldn't help but grin again maniacally and flee from the bench and in the direction of the nearby forest, a heavily armed Halt at his heels snapping threats.

And Gilan, only Gilan, would have the nerve to take advantage of his youth and leap over a slightly wide stream, and cause an older Halt running at full pelt to be dunked into it half-way through his own jump. Then the boy proceeded to pause in order to allow his cheeky laughter to burst through, and only after Halt started to get to his feet did Gil's eyes widened and he begin to run again.

Halt, while shaking minnows out of his boots, reflected that, out of all the possible apprentices, he'd gotten the one in a million. So, it might have not boded well with anyone if he killed him... Gil could be a legend someday. And the sarcasm in Halt's thoughts was a clear call for irony in the near future.

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><p><strong>Gil? A legend? Naw. *evil grin*<strong>

**Thanks loads to my beta: **marauderly izzy**, a fellow Gilan fanatic ;D  
><strong>

**Review? Gilan as a seven-year-old, you must have some comments ;).**

**-Dodo**


	2. Eggsplain!

**Thanks for all the reviews!**

**By the way, updates for everything will be delayed, the bold and important-looking letters on my profile give more info. **

**Also, I assure you, I have nothing against Easter bunnies or any traumatic memories regarding the holiday, despite what this might imply. ;)**

**Enjoy!  
><strong>

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><p>Summary: Gil has some issues with the Easter Bunny. And confronting the "imposter" in front of small children isn't the best idea he's had.<p>

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><p><strong>Eggs-plain!<strong>

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><p>When fourteen-year-old Gilan Davidson looked up from his morning eggs on Easter day and uttered, as though enlightened by his breakfast: "The <em>eggs<em>," Halt knew something was about to happen. But before he had a chance to say anything, the apprentice sprang to his feet and marched outside in the direction of town, where a celebration festival was being held.

Shaking his head in resignation, Halt grabbed his longbow and followed the boy, curious despite himself about Gil's train of thought.

That is, until Gilan walked up to the man in a bunny costume and announced, "You're a fraud!" Then Halt moved forward quickly and wide-eyed to stop his apprentice before the crazy kid embarrassed the whole Corps.

The older Ranger put a strong hand on the glaring Gilan's shoulder. "Gil, what are you doing?" Halt growled quietly.

Gilan pointed an accusing finger at the over-sized and fluffy bunny on two legs. The costume was pink, and hanging from one arm was a woven basket filled with brightly colored eggs. The said Easter bunny, along with his smaller rabbit minions, had been handing them out to the excited children before Gilan had cut through the crowd and started the scene.

Still pointing, Gilan declared, "This is not the Easter bunny!" The response was several gasps and whisperings from amongst the children, soothing reassurances from parents, and a gaping Halt.

The Easter bunny, however, stood up for himself. "I beg your pardon," he said nasally, a voice that was supposed to relate to children but instead made some giggle and others wonder if they really sounded like that. "I _am _the Easter bunny." He waved his basket in the air. "I'm handing out the spoils of my travels."

Halt opened his mouth to apologize, but Gilan butted in triumphantly, "But bunnies don't even lay eggs! They come-" Halt quickly clamped a hand over Gilan's mouth before the boy could scar the young children around them.

"Shut up, Gilan," Halt whispered fiercely. Gilan shook off the hand, still glaring at the indignant looking bunny.

Well, the bunny _seemed _indignant. The head of the costume was still frozen in a buck-toothed grin.

"They're not _my _eggs," the bunny insisted. "They're just prizes for all the good children in Araluen." He waved happily to the smiling and deceived children in the crowd.

With a roar, Gilan lunged, and before Halt could stop him, Gil had tackled the man in the costume to the ground and was attempting to forcibly pull off the obviously attached head.

During the time when Halt was briefly able to restrain his apprentice, the bunny scrambled to its feet and tried to run into the screaming crowd of children. But Gilan broke free and latched onto a furry pink leg with no intention of ever letting go.

Still trying and failing to pry Gilan from the Easter bunny's leg, Halt couldn't help but remember last year's incident and demand, "_What _is your issue with Easter?"

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><p><strong>Short, but all I really had time for. I, personally, find this chapter title very cheesy (eggy?). But it reminds me of the Daleks from Doctor Who :D!<strong>

**Review!**

**-Dodo**


	3. 100 Themes 1:10

**First off, I know I've already done a hundred themes and all that, but these are a little different. One cuz the themes are different, I came up with them (took darn near forever). And two cuz they will be incredibly brief, maybe one line (excluding the dialogue rule maybe) long. Mostly because they're little plot bunnies that shriveled before growing and mainly help writer's block.**

**Second, the idea (but not the themes) is to be credited to **TastetheRainbow-xD**, who did this first in her Gil story (which is close to the most hilarious thing I've ever read). **

**I have used quite a lot of parenthesis. Handy things. Enjoy!**

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><p>Summary: Themes 1-10 summed up in the epic length of…one line.<p>

**Warning: DO NOT TRY NUMBER 8 AT HOME. I am not responsible for your insides.**

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><p><strong>Themes 1-10<strong>

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><p><strong>1. Birth<strong>

"Dad, where do babies come from?"

"Ask your mother."

"Mom?"

"The mailman."

"Halt, do babies come from the mailman?"

Perhaps he shouldn't have nodded, Halt thought as Gilan pestered every mailman he saw with personal questions about how exactly the delicate little things survived the journeys.

**2. Time**

You know there's something special between you and your apprentice when, after five years of one horror after the other, you can still say you'll miss him.

**3. Frozen**

Freeze tag was not Gilan's game. First, he was determined to only get caught in the right pose. Second, he outright refused to move once properly standing, liking his flexible show off skills.

But then again, Halt probably shouldn't have been playing in the first place.

**4. Flowers**

The backyard had never looked so colorful or lively. Gilan had set up a whole garden. And Halt hated it. Though, he couldn't bring himself to say anything once the boy brought him a bouquet of flowers, looking as happy as the older Ranger's sister had when she did the same thing.

**5. Pride**

_Pride and dignity_, his father had always told him. And those two things Gilan certainly did not have as he struggled to change a burping baby Will into fresh diapers.

**6. Zeal**

With enough fervor to entice the Skandians to take up gardening, Gilan determinedly led the protest against the discrimination of ugly ducklings. And Halt desperately wished he'd never told that story to the boy.

**7. Infatuation**

She was obsessed, Gilan thought scarily. Those huge blue eyes wouldn't leave his being for a second. And, for the next five years, Gil's sister Marilyn made it her duty to do whatever her older brother would.

**8. Cooking**

Halt knew there was something seriously wrong with his apprentice when Gilan decided the fastest way to have dinner was to eat rice raw, then down boiling water to cook it.

**9. Goosebumps**

Halt swore that if Gilan tickled his neck with that feather one more time and let loose yet another giggle as the new hair on his arms rose, his apprentice wouldn't have any left.

**10. Hyper**

Gilan could get high off of anything, Halt thought in amazement, watching with a somewhat sense of amusement as a recently bathed Gilan sang his lungs out in the middle of town.

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><p><strong>By the way, if anyone wants any of these or future ones to be elaborated on, by all means ask. Like there will be a prequel to the Easter one for <strong>The Lone Clapper** soon :)**

**Whoever can tell me where the idea for number eight comes from can ask for any Gilan-related antic, no matter how insane. (Though I have a feeling most will get it…)**

**Thank you so much for the reviews last time. Tell me again what you thought?**

**-Dodo**


	4. In Which Halt Uses Grapefruit Cream

**Summary: **Gilan's toothpaste tastes different….that's his first clue.

**Note: I dunno if they had toothpaste back then, and I do know they didn't have shaving cream. Just go with it, please :)**

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><p><strong>In Which Halt Uses Grapefruit Cream<strong>

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><p>One thing Halt could always laugh about (internally, of course) was that Gilan in the morning was a sight to behold, as well as to make fun of when the time came.<p>

Stumbling out of his room – after having his hide threatened several times if he didn't _get up right now_ – with his sheets managing to wrap themselves around his lanky frame and slip off somewhere in the hall, Gil would go groggily and uncertainly into the kitchen, eyes half-closed against the as of yet nonexistent glare of the sun (it really _was_ an ungodly hour of the morning). Then Halt would roll his eyes and propel the boy in the direction of the bathroom instead, where Gilan would splash his face with cold water and generally be able to function until breakfast and coffee.

Except this day, Gil decided to brush his teeth first.

Grabbing his brush and paste from memory, Gilan distantly mused that his toothpaste tasted…different. Like…grapefruit?

He washed his face thoroughly and reached for a towel, eyes passing over the spot where his toothpaste usually lay. Only right now, in its place was –

"EW!" came the shriek, piercing Halt's ears with its distinctly Gilan-sounding voice. _What now?_

"HALT'S BEARD CREAM!"

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><p><strong>I know. Halt, using grapefruit scented shaving cream? What else don't we know?<strong>

**Funny story time! This morning, waking up at my own ungodly hour and **_**really **_**not looking forward to practice, I too stumbled blearily into the bathroom, reaching for my wonderfully blue toothbrush and minty fresh toothpaste. Only, I failed to notice that the usually white-with-green-minty-flecks was instead pinkish, and managed to brush my teeth for a near ten seconds before realizing I had put grapefruit-smelling lotion on my brush instead.**

**True story. My mouth will never be the same. Bleh. That is why you **_**do not **_**wake up fanfiction-obsessed, sleep-deprived teens at six in the morning. *nods wisely***

**I had an alternate ending, but this one was better, after much consideration of the iPod screen upon which it was written. Review?**

**-Dodo**


	5. Babysitting With A Beard

**Summary: **Halt's _babysitting_ Gilan. And the child has a certain fascination with the Ranger's beard. One that involves major invasion of personal space.

**A/N: This one doesn't take place during Gil's apprenticeship, rather when he's younger cuz I just found it more IC for the idea. It comes from the latest chapter of "Green Oakleaf" by Hibernian Princess, a story so hilarious that I had just to add my spin on one of her comments :D. Thanks for letting me use it!**

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><p><strong>Babysitting With A Beard<strong>

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><p>Gilan was staring at him. Halt tried his absolute best to ignore those piercing and – even at the mischievous age of five - devilish blue eyes, but after fifteen minutes of continuous Gil-attention, Halt ever-so-calmly put down his reports to properly face the young boy.<p>

Halt hadn't been able to find a suitable reason why he wasn't able to watch his old friend Sir David's son, who had begged to come along and was already earning the title for being troublesome and more than a little curious. So here he was, sitting in his living room trying to read reports while a boy who hadn't been able to shut up since he'd gotten there finally sat silently. Very suspicious.

The toddler in question was sitting on the couch diagonal to Halt's favorite armchair (which he had recently learned he was never to sit in - ever), his elbows on his knees and body leaning forward to his head could rest on his hands. His legs dangled, not quite reaching the floor. Gilan's eyes were studying Halt's face thoughtfully, his head tilted slightly to the side as he contemplated his current baby-sitter. Now that he was fully facing Gil, Halt saw that the boy was actually studying the bottom half of his face, and the older Ranger briefly ran a hand through his short beard to check if anything was there.

"Gilan," Halt finally prodded, "what're you staring at?"

Gilan blinked quite suddenly in alertness, dropping his supporting hands. "You," he said matter-of-factly.

"Right." Halt shook his head, then continued, "Why?"

Gilan hesitated. "Well," he started curiously, "your fur, actually."

"My fur-" Halt paused, reaching up to his face again. "You mean my beard?" _What's wrong with my beard? _Halt found it quite attractive, actually. Pauline had told him so once.

Gilan frowned at the word. "_No_," he said obviously. "Your fur. That black stuff stuck around your mouth." The boy had another thought as Halt stared at him. "Are you part cat or something? I think you can be grumpy enough for it...Oh! Can I pet you?" All this came out very fast from the previously silent boy, and the Ranger was still stuck on the fact that maybe Pauline _had _been making fun of him like Crowley said.

Mere seconds later Halt felt an extreme disturbance in his personal space, leaning away suddenly as Gilan appeared perched on the armrest of his chair.

"_Boy-_" Halt started exasperatedly, but was successfully silenced by a relatively tiny hand thrusting out to grab his beard.

With a quickly doused yelp as his beard was painfully man – well, _boy_-handled, Halt sprang to his feet, shook off Gilan, and turned to the door.

"Wait!" Gilan scrambled with little kid unbalanced legs to follow his baby-sitter. "Can I pet it?"

"Most certainly not!"

"PLEASE?" Gilan persisted as Halt tried not to open the door too hastily. "Just once!"

"_No_, Gilan! My beard is not fur!"

Gilan persistently followed Halt outside, immediately ruining the man's attempts to leave and take the child back to Sir David by grabbing the back of Halt's cloak.

"Does that mean if I pulled it, it would come off?"

"No!" Halt tugged himself free and hurried on, the child at his heels.

"Hey, can I try shaving it once? My daddy shaves sometimes." Gilan gasped. "Does that mean _he _has fur _too_?"

They had reached the stables by now and Halt was quickly saddling up Abelard. He turned briefly to Gilan.

"When _you _grow a beard, _then _you can shave your_ own beard_." Halt was sure he'd been quite clear, what with all the emphasis and all.

After that, the Ranger pulled the boy onto the saddle and rushed Abelard – his horse – to Castle Redmont and Gilan's father.

.::.::.

Several days later, Gilan decided he really didn't want a beard, after being painfully scratched by the cat he had attempted to wear on his face.

_Maybe if I married a cat, _Gilan mused as a Healer fussed at his cuts, _then the babies would be cat-people too! _

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><p><strong>Oh Gilan. Okay, I'm being yelled at to get off the computer, so sorry for any mistakes, point them out if you will, I haven't proofread :).<strong>

**-Dodo**


	6. Why Gilan Only Speaks Araluen

**Summary: **Gilan knows Toscan (I'm making it Spanish, okay?). Well, at least he thinks he does. But confusion is often present in the mind of Gilan...

**WARNING: **This has profanity. Like, at the end it gets to be a central conversation.. Please don't read if it makes you uncomfortable, but to be honest, when it happened it real life, it was absolutely hilarious :) And you can still read the Halt/Gilan arguing, if you really want ze amusement.

**A/N: Okay, like the warning said: Profanity! More than usual! But this came from a Facebook situation, I'll explain in the last AN's cuz I _know _you want to hear it :) And Toscana is like Italy in RA, but the word doesn't work in Italian, so I made it Spanish. I'm sorry, but fanfiction, 'member?  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Why Gilan Only Speaks Araluen<br>(and even that's debatable)**

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><p>"<em>GILAN!<em>" The apprentice in question groaned. There was Halt's you-did-something-wrong-and-stupid-and-I-wonder-where-your-brain-is-all-the-time voice. His father used it sometimes, too. They probably coordinated not to let him have peace even away from home.

By this time Halt had Ranger-stomped into the cabin and was looking at Gilan in clear bewilderment. "_What _is the matter with you?"

Gilan crossed his arms. "Lotsa things," he started matter-of-factly. "My good-looks are a fact of envy for everyone. And my charm's after-effect makes some people grumpy – like you –, and-"

"I mean," Halt cut off testily, "why are you going around calling the rude terms to the townspeople?"

Usually Gilan knew what he'd done wrong. But at the moment, he was caught a little off-guard by this news. "What're you talking about?"

Halt raised that infuriating eyebrow, his composure returned. Calmly but sternly he said, "You know what. I should wash your mouth with soap."

Gilan hurried on before that idea could be put into action, "Really, I haven't said anything rude to anyone! It's usually just _you_." Halt opened his mouth, but Gilan continued as he remembered, "I helped this old lady with her shopping 'cause she was hobbling along like a wagon with one wheel" - here Gilan paused to mimic how the woman was walking, much to the reluctant amusement (silent, of course, he was still mad) of Halt, who didn't comment on the fact that just the other day Gilan was terrorizing several other old ladies... - "and then a farmer stopped his horses so I could cross the town square" – again he mimed his walking action- "and last all I did was high-five a little boy and he gave me a piece of candy." Gilan then pretended to eat something, and it seemed he was doing all his wild gestures without realizing it. "Though his mom looked at me kinda shocked when I said 'thank you'..."

Halt chose not to comment right then on all of his apprentice's in depth charade-type reenactments of all his deeds, instead persisting, "You said _nothing _to offend them?"

Gilan pondered this for a moment. He hadn't said anything particularly strange – though Gilan's definition of strange was a little off – but he _did _suddenly recall something they might have found out-of-the-ordinary.

"Well, I heard some people from Toscana, and when I said thank you it was in Toscan..."

Halt frowned a little. "And how did you say it?"

"Grassy ass," Gilan stated obviously. Halt nearly choked on his spit (and no one could argue that even that took skill).

"_What?_" There was that tone again.

"I _said_, 'grassy ass'!"

Halt stared at his apprentice. _Of all the stupid...to an old woman! _And _a little boy! Why me..._

"Gilan," Halt started calmly, though he was shaking his head. "That is most certainly _not _how you say thank you."

Gilan blinked in confusion. "I know it has 'ass' in it" - Halt cringed a little; he was going to have to do some explaining to those people... - "but Toscan is different, right?"

Halt shook his head slowly. "No," he said. "It's _'gracias_,' Gilan. Not 'grassy ass.'"

Gilan opened his mouth and closed it, repeating several times as he realized his grave mistake. Finally:

"Ohhh..."

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><p><strong>*grins* I know. I know. But I get my inspiration strangely. See, there was a convo on Facebook, and the person said "gracias" wrong...it was so funny.<strong>

**And another note: The whole Toscan/Halt knowing it thing comes from an amazing fic, again by Hibernian Princess lol, and I wonder if she's ever heard a stupid mistake like that in her Italian career :D**

**Anyway. I would really, really like to thank all of you for all the _amazing _and extremely ego-boosting reviews :) And on that topic, my fiftieth reviewer is **Animevampfreak10**, and hopefully you'll be seeing her request on here soon :D Oh yeah, and as for the other request about Easter, I'm working on it, I promise, but my Muse and the plot bunnies always run me over. That's why I bought a ray gun from **agent iz hyper**. But that's another story.**

**Review?**

**-Dodo**


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